A Note About......What's Next?

The last two months have been a beautiful blur. I have worked and had a lot of great experiences on a Governor’s campaign. It was an uphill battle in many ways but we did as much as we could with what we had.
If you are wondering what we had to work with.....I will tell you. The Jim Ryan for governor campaign only had a full-time staff of six people, a few outside consultants and three resourceful interns. We also were outspent 10-1.
With such a small staff and money.....I was exposed to experiences I probably never could have been exposed to if the staff was larger, considering my age and looking at my experience. In addition I made some great friends and learned a little bit more about who I am.
But when it is said and done, we finished a disappointing 4th out of six candidates, and in some ways I feel like I am back to square one.
In some ways I almost feel like I have woken up from a two-month-long bender. I have neglected responsibilities outside of work, I have laundry piled to the ceiling, I have two books overdue at the library, my back hurts, I have a thousand phone calls to return, I have to go get my car checked out after a long winter and now I need to find a job, or at least something to do, for the next six months before law school.
Yet today I didn’t feel like doing or worrying about any of that. All I felt like doing was working on the campaign and talking with everyone I worked with. But unfortunately today was a day to say goodbye and start to move on.
It is a day to prepare to take the next step. I don’t know what the next step is for me. I have never known. Perhaps I never will.
Will I find a profession that I enjoy, will I ever find a girl that is willing to date or even marry a fool like me, will I ever decide to go to law school, will I ever have enough money that I can take my dad out to dinner or will I ever get to a point in my life when I am not just looking at the next best thing? I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. Perhaps I never will.
In our life though we often come back to the same point. What we search for is not in this world but beyond us. And what is beyond is something that can’t be attained in this world…. no matter how hard we try.
Perhaps I take things too seriously but I guess when I am in a reflective mode, like I am today, I just can’t help it.
You hope for certain things, you pray for them, and most of all you will for them to happen…. the only problem is often self-will can lead to self-loathing….when what you hope for doesn’t work out.
I had many hopes about how last night would go and how I would feel this morning.
I imagined it in my mind….Last Evening
There would be mass bedlam in the war room as the election results came in, when it was announced that our candidate won the race the staff would have a pile-on like a team that won the World Series, like the famous LIFE photograph I would find some random woman in the street and plant a big smooch on her, the celebration would flow out into the parking lot and the police would have to be called in with riot gear.
This Morning
The phone would be ringing off the hook with everyone wanting to be apart of the campaign, I would have a swearing-in ceremony as the knew deputy press secretary and we would begin the strategy to win in November.
Uh yeah…none of that happened. Unrealistic expectations? Yeah I think so.
What really happened….Last Evening
Faces in the room were ones of dejection as the results came in. The scoreboard of votes around the state continued to pile in favor of our five opponents and I went home and almost fell asleep in my suit.
This Morning
I sat alone in our campaign office and waited for a few of the other staff members so we could grab lunch. The phone rang only once and the office was quieter than I have ever heard it in the time that I worked there.
What I have to realize is all the self-will in the world will not change the circumstances of last evening, of today, of tomorrow and the next day. The one thing it can change is my attitude and how I approach the circumstances life has for me.
If I do this.....life I know will continue to be a beautiful blur.....and one that in the end will answer life’s most important question….what’s next?
Comments [0]







